Several months later, Bathsheba's husband Uriah returned to Israel after fighting in a war. She was so nervous to tell him that she was with child. Bathsheba cooked her husband Uriah a very big meal that night in preparation of telling him about King David's child she was carrying.
"Uriah, are you ready to eat?" said an antsy Bathsheba. Uriah appeared in the doorway, and noticed that his wife seemed like she was flustered.
"Is there something wrong, Bathsheba? Because you look like you have something on your mind," said Uriah as he sat down at the table to eat and also worried about his wife. "Actually, Uriah, I do have something to tell you." But Bathsheba was interrupted by a knock on the door. Bathsheba got up and went to open the door and saw two of King David's guards.
"King David will speak to Uriah right away!" said the one of the guards. Bathsheba wondered what King David would want with Uriah, but she went and got him from the dinner table. "Uriah, King David would like to speak with you, this instantly!" Uriah then made the trek to see King David right away. When Uriah finally made it to the castle, King David greeted him.
"Hello there Uriah." said King David.
"Good evening, King. What can I do for you?" said an eager Uriah.
King David sighed, contemplating whether or not he should tell Uriah about the baby or let Bathsheba tell him. After thinking for a short time, the selfish King David decided to tell Uriah anyway.
"Bathsheba, you wife is carrying my child." said a forthright King David.
Uriah stood in place, utterly shocked with no words. He felt a mix of emotions. He felt angry and hurt that his wife would stray while he was off fighting in a war, but he also understood that she was lonely. Uriah loved Bathsheba with all his heart, and he wondered why King David decided to tell him. So he voiced his concern.
"Why have you told me this, your Highness?" said Uriah.
"Because I want you to leave Bathsheba, so I can make her my fifth wife!" King David said boldly.
Uriah was furious. How dare King David take his wife from him? So Uriah defiantly responded "I will not leave my wife, because I love her, and she will remain with me." And so Uriah left to go home to Bathsheba. He did not speak to Bathsheba about his conversation with King David or her infidelities because he had to go back to fight again. He planned to talk to her when he returned, but little did he know he would not be living much longer.
Uriah died during the war, at the hands of King David putting him in the front line to be killed. Bathsheba mourned her husband's death, and in this moment of weakness King David married Bathsheba. The Lord heard Bathsheba's cries and learned what King David had done all in greed. To pay for what King David had done, Bathsheba lost their child, and they were both sad. Later they had a wise son by the name of Solomon.
Author's note: This story was inspired by the King James Bible (1611): 2 Samuel 11. I chose to retell this story because I thought the original story was very interesting and different from other Bible women stories. My goals for this story were to keep the general theme, but put a little twist on things. In the original story King David sees Bathsheba bathing naked and lays with her. She is then carrying his child, and when her husband returns, King David tries to get Bathsheba's husband to quit fighting in the war to be at home, but Uriah does not enjoy the comfort of being at home while the army is still fighting. Uriah feels it is wrong to stay at home, and does not comply with King David's wishes. King David then has Uriah killed by giving him a letter to give to his general that says for Uriah to be killed. When Uriah dies, King David marries Bathsheba. The Lord learns of what King David has done and punishes him, with Bathsheba losing the baby. They soon have another son by the name of Solomon. I chose to change the story by making King David a selfish man who is not concerned with other's feelings and who is only out to get what he wants. I also wanted to make Uriah more a part of the story by showing the he loved and understood Bathsheba, even though she made a mistake, and it ultimately cost him his life.
Hey Brandy!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story. I liked how you included a lot of dialogue and detail. It allowed me to discern the emotions the characters were going through. It also permitted me to deduce what kind of person the character was. For instance Uriah, in this particular story was portrayed as loyal, forgiving, and virtuous despite his wife's infidelity and King David's selfishness. Uriah forgave his wife and was still determined to fight in a war for King David. These characterizations made Uriah my favorite character.
I also liked how you made King David's dialogue very short and blunt. It really reflected the character of King David. It portrays him as very demanding and arrogant. He believes that he can have anything he wishes by just a short demand from others.
The style of your writing was really clear and concise. This made it easy to read. You go to the point and made feel like I got a lot out of the story. Good job, Brandy!
Hey, Brandy! I like your storytelling post a lot. It tells the story clearly and is to the point. Your author’s note also explained what the original Bible story said and what you had tweaked. I think it would be helpful if you put a caption under your picture and if you explained the emotions of Bathsheeba to make it more interesting, but besides that, you did a really good job.
ReplyDeleteHi Brandy, I think you did a great job retelling this story. I am glad you gave King David a more realistic personality by having him tell Uriah to leave his wife instead of telling him to go home to be with his wife. I think that is more likely to happen in a situation like this where Bathsheba is carrying the king’s child. I think the dialogue is good, but it seems a little different from the way people may have talked during that time setting. I think you did a great job overall though.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your version of the story. I have also read the original and it didn't show much of Uriah so I liked that you made him more of a main character. I liked how it showed that Uriah was a kind and forgiving husband and was still willing to be with Bathsheba even though she betrayed him. I also liked the twist of King David being the one to tell Uriah and trying to get him to leave Bathsheba so that he could marry her. Your story was also really easy to read. It made it so much easier to understand the story with how the added dialogue and the paragraph breaks. Your author's note also gave enough information so that people who haven't read the original story would be able to know the things that you kept the same and the things that you changed. Overall, I really like how you retold the story of Bathsheba.
ReplyDeleteFor some reason I personally find it hard to rewrite and put my own spin on some Biblical stories so I always give kudos to those who can. I remember hearing and learning about this story when I was younger. I liked how you took the story and got straight to the point. There was no need for deep description and too much dialogue that would take away from the story. Good job.
ReplyDeleteHey Brandy. I think you did a great job of choosing some subject matter for you portfolio. The story in the bible is great but I think you did a great job of expanding on the story. That is one of the problems I have always had when reading the Bible, the way it seems to just capture your attention with a great story, like the one you chose and then move on without too much detail. Also most people find it hard to retell stories from the Bible, but I think you have done a great job of pulling it off with out a problem. I didn't really notice and Gram errors, nor did I feel like any of your sentences were awkward to read. Overall I would say you did a great job.
ReplyDeleteHi Brandy! I found this story to be very interesting! I remember learning about this Bible story when I was a little kid in Sunday school. It's been a long time since I've heard it but I remember the gist of it. I really like your story though. I still think it was terrible how King James put Uriah at the front of the line in battle. I feel that you did a good job rewriting the story. I think it can be difficult to rewrite Bible stories. There are a few grammar mistakes though, but other than that, your story is good.
ReplyDeleteBrandy,
ReplyDeleteYour portfolio is coming along very nicely, and I really enjoyed your story! I grew up reading this story, and not understanding why King David would do something like he did. I guess it shows that all of us will make mistakes, and that even King David in all his greatness still was pretty selfish. Your story does a great job of showing this, and I commend you because rewriting Bible stories can be so very challenging! I feel like a lot of people avoid it because it touches really sensitive topics for a lot of people. Kudos to you! I liked the dialogue in this story, and feel like it really personalized the story and was pretty accurate as to how each person was feeling. It really helped let me into the mind of Bathsheba! The only thing I might suggest is to maybe switch things up and include that Uriah wants to go back to battle like in the original Bible story- I think it shows how heroic he is!
Overall, great job Brandy!
Hey Brandy! One of my favorite stories form the bible woman unit was Bathsheba. I don’t know if it was because I had read it before this class but I just think it is such a great story but with an almost sad ending since the husband was killed. I like the way you added more of the husband’s character into the story since he had little to no interaction in the story. I liked how he wanted to be with Bathsheba no matter what she did but it was sad that he still died. I noticed two small grammatical errors that you could look into. The sentence, “the woman was the most beautiful he had ever met since his last four wives”, should be rewritten because the King hasn’t actually met her yet and the first half of the sentence doesn’t flow well. Also, on the 9th paragraph you should put the ‘r’ on the end of “you” to make it “your wife”. Other than that it was a great read!
ReplyDeleteHey, Brandy! I thought this was a great re-telling of the story of Bathsheba and David. I am familiar with the story already, so I especially appreciated the extra dialogue you had thrown in since that was new to me. I also thought it was neat that you showed how much Uriah loved his wife and displayed his emotions well. I would encourage you to explain what that would look like visually (his eyes moistened at the thought of his wife with another man) but by saying that he loved her so much and things similar, I understood the point. Also, you could maybe visually describe Bathsheba and David (was Bathsheba showing yet or did King David look tall and domineering, etc). I also liked the picture you chose quite a bit. I didn’t know that Bathsheba and David’s baby had passed away so that was a new piece of information to me as well. Anyways, I really like how you wrote this story – keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteThe title of your storytelling really caught my attention. A love triangle is very practical and there are many ways that you can take it. I was curious to what it was going to be about and wanted to read ahead right away. I like how you state that the king thought he could get whatever he wanted and that included women. I believe that this is very true for most men. Wow, what a great twist to your story. That she is carrying the king’s baby even though she is with Bathsheba. This was a great way to incorporate all of the characters. The picture you chose symbolizes the story very well. Also, your author’s note did a great job of summarizing the original story. I felt like I knew everything I needed to from the original story without even reading it. Also, the way that you explained how you told your story was very helpful. Great job!
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